I graduate in ONE month. one month people. May 10, I put on cap and gown for probably the last time for non-hospital reasons, and walk across a stage, and finish my education at Anderson University. Yiiiiikes! I am totally experiencing those normal senior feelings like having no idea where you'll be, how you'll survive or how to pay for your loans... yeah, so there. I was telling someone the other day how this past month or two, God has been teaching me to trust Him like never before. Not knowing what is next is really freaky, but I do know that God has a plan, and He has my best interests in mind. I can trust in the fact that He knows what I need, what I must have and also what my desires are. I have to remember that He wants to bless me, like a father would his child, and grant me my heart's desires... and I have to remind myself that I may not have to settle for something just to survive, but that God can give me something great, something I never expected.

I already kind of have something I never would have expected: an interview in the music business right out of college! Yeah. This goes to show how important it is to know people. One night, after Orangehaus, I go up to talk to Becky Chappell about some internship questions. So, I tell her kind of what I would like to do and stuff, and she says, "hold on." She then proceeds to whip out her phone, call someone and start talking to them about how I would be good at this job. I was thinking, "um...who is this person? what is she volunteering me for?" Turns out, she was on the phone with her ex-husband who is the VP of Integrity Music (which I didn't know til a few weeks ago!?!?) and she was telling him that I was going to send him and his colleague my resume within the hour for this position. Apparently, there's a position opening up in Integrity and they specifically asked Becky what she had here at AU in terms of students who would be good at this job. So, I guess she thinks I would be good at it, and I hadn't heard back from them til yesterday, but now I have a phone interview on Monday morning at 10!!

Holy. cow. Here's the kicker. This job is in Mobile, ALABAMA. aaaalabama. It's very far away from my family in northwest ohio, and Indianapolis, where I would love to live. I guess Integrity Music is based out of there. I always said it would be cool to live down South, but I don't know how I feel about going down there ALL BY MYSELF. Wait, I do know how I'd feel... SCARED as hell. On the other hand, I know I shouldn't turn this job down if I get offered it! I mean, seriously, who gets offered a job in the music business right out of college? It doesn't happen often. I honestly have been planning to not get a job in the music business and just doing other things. So yeah, you can all pray for me, b/c I might be moving to Mobile, Alabama by myself if I get this job. HOLY COW. I could list off a long list of things that make me very nervous about doing this, but I'll save that for another post. Basically, it takes me a very far way away from everyone I know and love... and I basically just need to trust God enough that he can work things out awesomely for me.

I'm really glad that my classes (which I only have three real ones) don't require much out of me this semester in terms of homework. It's been nice. I work out about 4 days a week, have more time to read and have quiet time, and work on internship stuff. It's hard though, b/c my new singleness sometimes leaves me wishing for what I had to fill my time with.

Yeah, I'm single. I'm single? Yes. My insides are screaming "no no no no NO" but it's reality. It's another one of those areas where I'm learning to trust God more. I just have to lay it all down at His feet, and seek Him as my everything, the love of my heart and the one who loves me with such an unbelievable, unfailing love. I appreciate that aspect of Him now more than ever I think, just because I know what a "failing" love is. Altho, I don't know if it's really failed? Ah, it's complicated, and love is hard to shake off. Anyways... God truly is the only thing I know I can stand upon at this point in my life!

"For I know the plans I have for you...plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

Sometimes I wonder what would happen to some of my relationships if I didn't pursue them. Make phone calls, send IM's and emails... I'm the type of person that if no one else is going to do it, I will. I'm not willing to lose friends and miss out on relationships b/c the other person for whatever reason won't call or IM. I have to think sometimes if my friends just don't want to talk to me that much, and my parents always say "if they wanted to talk to you, they would call you" blah blah blah. I'm just not willing to risk the loss. So my friends, I'll be pursuing you, even after I leave AU.

oh sad, I'm leaving AU! I can't really stand the thought of not seeing so many of you again. Oh gosh. I know it's life, and it's just normal and stuff, but the thought of not seeing you at all is not pleasant.

If you haven't seen the movie Chicago, go see it. It's great, well done, funny and clever. I have the soundtrack memorized, and I secretly wish I could look like Catherine Zeta Jones does in those black dominatrix type outfits they wear in Cell Block Tango. Seriously, every guy's dream. "he had it comin, he had it comin, he had it comin all along..." :)

currently reading: Completely His by shannon ethridge, First Light by bodie thoene

so many thoughts and feelings. sigh. this is such a weird time in life.

just give it time, it's gonna get better
now is not forever at all
just give it time
and everything changes...
everything is gonna be alright
just give it time

Jon McL