don't stop don't change stay beautiful

badada badada badada badada BA BA BA BA DA. have you heard that song? it's fun. I like the badada's the best. :)

so, there's nothing really exciting to post about. It seems like I have friends that have exciting things going on like getting married, or going across the world, or doing a youthworks summer, or having fun at camp, etc etc. What I'm doing pales to those things, but that's only b/c the initial excitement has worn off I think. Graduating, moving and starting life in a new place is kind of exciting. :)

I just finished Sex God a little bit ago. That was a really great book. Just as good as Velvet Elvis, but about different things. As you can see from my last post, it affected me just a little. ;) I don't know, I just love how reading books like these can help bring out the meaning of the words we read in the Bible and try to make sense of, and make applicable to our lives today. I love thought-provoking reading, stuff that intrigues me, challenges me, opens my eyes, refreshes and encourages me. ahhh, call them self-help books, or diss on books by John Eldredge, Rick Warren or John Ortberg all you want... but most of these books are chock full of great stuff, things that do all of what I just said. I love learning this way, especially about things that involve my faith and walk with God, which is the most important thing in my life.

this week has consisted of days like this: get up, go to Northview for my internship, go workout at the Y, hang out at the pool for a little bit and come home. the Fishers Y is way crowded in the summer, holy cow. There's like the kids day camp, and then a million moms and kids out at the pool. I think i'm prob. in the 10% minority of women/people at the pool that do not have a kid with them. oh well, it's a lot better than where I went last summer in A-town... the Anderson Athletic Pool!!! HAHAHA! hey, it was cheap, and I just wanted a place to layout and jump in the water. Yes it was ghetto, yes I got hit on, yes there were sketchy people there. OH WELL. I'm not a diva, and living in Fishers won't make me one.

I think something in my mind has changed this week. I don't know how, or why. But my head just feels clearer... and the stuff that's been rattling around in there lately isn't rattling as loudly and doesn't affect me the same way. yesssss. still going to read Joyce Meyer's book Battlefield of the Mind next. I really enjoyed her book on prayer.

Have you ever had one of those conversations that takes you aback so much that all you can do is just sit there with your mouth hanging open? I've had a few, and I don't know why they always happen to me! I don't like it! I had one a few days ago, and I was so blindsided, and literally, all I could do was sit there and listen while trying to not let my mouth hang open. It was just like, "omg, what is going on? where did this come from?" So random. Ask me about it if you're curious.

oh. and Jon McL is coming out with a new album, and can I just say, that as I listened to the single today, I thought "this does NOT sound like Jon, and he's sold out!" seriously, guys. his voice is still beautiful (and so is he) but like, it's all techno-ish, with that beat and it's not raw, natural with piano like Indiana. It's just not Jon. Maybe they just really need to sell a lot of albums or something, but it's not that Jon we've been listening to since Industry first came out of Orangehaus Records. Indiana is a fantastic album, classic Jon.... but this new one, I'm not so sure.

singing this song this weekend in church. gorgeous song, awesome lyrics.

"above all else" vicky beeching

Jesus, my passion in life is to know You
May all other goals bow down to
this journey of loving You more
Jesus, you've showered your goodness on me
given your gifts so freely
but there's one thing I'm longing for

hear my heart's cry and my prayer for this life

above all else
above all else
above all else,
give me Yourself

Savior, the more that I see your beauty
the more that I glimpse your glory
my heart is captured by You
Jesus, You are my greatest treasure
nothing this world can offer
could ever compare to you

above all else... give me Yourself

you need to read Sex God

this weekend consisted of working, spending all day Saturday traveling to and enjoying a wedding in ghetto Joliet, IL (congrats mr. and mrs. kyle and jen webb!) and then the groundbreaking service at church on Sunday. Hopefully I'll still be around Northview when that building gets done. It's gonna be tight. Weddings are so great. What makes it better is when you're a friend, and you know the story of how these two got together and how in love they are, and so happy to be together at last. To see a woman live her lifelong dream, walking down the aisle towards her groom, looking more beautiful than ever... this is heavenly stuff. God ordained. We live for moments like that.

today I had to be at work at 4:30am. ewww. it's one of those things where you just get up and kinda go thru the motions. and then you're tired at like 8pm. the upside is, you get off by noon at the latest. after that, I went and worked out at the Y in Fishers and it was packed! at like noon! good workout though, and I got Subway after b/c I was so hungry! I know, right, they have a Subway in this Y where you look at the people eating while you sweat it up. haha!

this week I am no longer the secretary fill in at church, but am officially the music and worship intern. not sure what that will look like, or what I'll be doing, but hopefully Matt has some things in mind. ;) and I get to sing the next few weekends at church which I am looking forward to!

I have been reading Sex God recently, and have very much enjoyed it as I did Velvet Elvis. One particular chapter thus far has really had an impact on me: chapter 5. I wish I could copy and paste the entire chapter with commentary on here, but I will attempt to briefly summarize the words that rocked my world. I could literally type for pages I think, but I will get down to the point. This chapter is about the deepest ache known to the human soul: heartbreak. Whether it be from a loss, a breakup, divorce, tragedy, betrayal, confession.... any of the things that have ability to break our hearts. We risk this heartbreak whenever we are vulnerable enough with a person to give our hearts to them. The thing that really rocked my world was this: our God is well associated with this risk, and the pain of heartbreak. He risks it all each time a new life is created, because He gives us the freedom to choose to accept and return his love. So many turn away from Him. "In this process, God's heart is broken again and again and again. Divine heartbreak."

He goes on to talk about the lengths God went to to show us His love. He knew nothing else would communicate it more effectively than coming and becoming like us, being on our soil and on our level. "It was explained this way in a popular first century hymn, recorded in the book of Phillipians: "Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing." Thank you, Jesus.

"The story the Bible tells is of a living being who loves and who continues to love even when that love is not returned. A God who refuses to override our freedom, who respects our power to decide whether to reciprocate, a God who lets us make the next move." Wow. He knows our heartbreak, friends. "If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, they reciprocated with a love of their own, you know how God feels. The cross is God's way of saying, 'I know what it's like.'" Everything in quotes is Rob speaking, and man, did this stuff reach right into my own healing heart. I never thought of it this way before.

The cross is God's way of telling us He's right there with us. Heartbreak is something that can connect us with our Savior, instead of us asking "where are you??" "It's the place we find out we're not alone, where we find strength to go on. Not a strength that comes from within ourselves but a strength that comes from God. The God who keeps going. Who keeps offering. Who keeps loving. Who keeps risking." !!!!!!!! Life changing. I have written in the book, "this changes everything!" the last thing that really got me was when Rob says this, " It's in this connection there's always a chance we'll find a reason to risk again. If God can continue to risk, then maybe we can too."

and that, my friends, totally changed my life. I wish I had picked up this book a few months ago and read it, but God must've had it in mind for me to wait awhile. Needless to say, I serve a God who is intimately acquainted with heartbreak, shares in our pain, has given literally everything to communicate his love, and watches as so many turn away and reject it. Yet He keeps loving, and offering, and keeps risking it all so that one more would reciprocate His love. and like Rob said, if God can continue that, then maybe I can too. For anyone who has had their heart shattered by anyone or any experience, our God is right there with you, with me. His strength and example will enable us to heal, and love again. I know I'm gonna look at the cross differently now.

"we love because He first loved us." 1 john 4:19

the update i'm sure you're dying to hear about!

so like I said, I'm sure you've all been wondering what's up. :) either way, you're about to find out!

the main points:
I graduated. see pics on facebook. I have everything but my diploma b/c I'm finishing my internship.

I went home, organized my life, unpacked, repacked, realized how very little I have, haha! I'm gonna have to buy a LOT of stuff when I get my own place in the fall. oh well, i'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I went on a fabulous trip to Myrtle Beach with some of my bff's from AU. pics on facebook. much sun was had, beach, sand, pool, dinners out, a little bit of drinking, some drinks bought for us by much older men, boating, Bojangle's southern dining, and of course, driving. Fun times!

I came back home and didn't do much.

and then. I MOVED TO FISHERS/GEIST! I'm living with a couple about my parents age in a big beautiful home down Olio and off of 104th from Hamilton Southeastern. It is a great setup, I have my own room and bathroom, and they are very generous with meals and everything. I have also started my internship at Northview Christian Life Center in Carmel, and work at Starbucks on E.82nd! So yeah. Starbucks' sales have been down so I won't be getting more than 20 hours quite yet, but we'll see how things go in the next few weeks. Hopefully I'll be okay during the crazy morning rush!

working on finding a place to work out that won't charge me $100 to join, or cancel and have so far been unsuccessful. So I think I'm goin to the Fishers YMCA after all, showing them how very little money I made last year and hoping they give me a cheap rate! haha. I just need to work out so the fatness doesn't get me. and so I don't have to be super picky about what I eat, that is no fun! also, because of my intense love for reading, I got a library card for the Hamilton East library, which, I have decided, is not as good as the dear ole APL (anderson public library). Which is surprising b/c Fishers is like leaps and bounds nicer than A-town.

and for those of you who know how my car has a few minor issues, I'm getting those fixed slowly but surely. that cracked mirror that I busted at the ATM months ago that has been hanging on loosely will be replaced soon. hahaha! thanks to the person who made that useable for all this time. lol. I went out to this auto salvage with all these dirty, sweaty, creepy lookin guys there! and I was like, "um, I need a rim and a driver side mirror..." This place was literally made out of tin. It was sketch. My dad told me it would be like that! The owner or manager guy looked normal, but let's just say these guys prob. don't see young women walk in there much! yeah, 22 year old cute girl in a tin shack auto salvage yard ?!?! where is a man when I need one? lol.

and now i'm going to finish watching The Search for the Next Elle Woods and go upstairs.

truth from FRIENDS

So, this quote has been on my profile for awhile, and I remember the scene from the show, and how poignant and tender it was. I think it is one that everyone, single or not can relate to. Unless you're married, or engaged, the concept of a relationship without an end is very foreign. (ugh, doesn't it suck?)
We're all just waiting for that "just once..."


Rachel: Ross, you're like my best friend. If we broke up, and I lost you...

Ross: What makes you think we're gonna break up?

Rachel: Well, have you ever been involved with someone where you haven't broken up?

Ross: No..But it only has to happen once.”


do you relate? I sure do.