you need to read Sex God

this weekend consisted of working, spending all day Saturday traveling to and enjoying a wedding in ghetto Joliet, IL (congrats mr. and mrs. kyle and jen webb!) and then the groundbreaking service at church on Sunday. Hopefully I'll still be around Northview when that building gets done. It's gonna be tight. Weddings are so great. What makes it better is when you're a friend, and you know the story of how these two got together and how in love they are, and so happy to be together at last. To see a woman live her lifelong dream, walking down the aisle towards her groom, looking more beautiful than ever... this is heavenly stuff. God ordained. We live for moments like that.

today I had to be at work at 4:30am. ewww. it's one of those things where you just get up and kinda go thru the motions. and then you're tired at like 8pm. the upside is, you get off by noon at the latest. after that, I went and worked out at the Y in Fishers and it was packed! at like noon! good workout though, and I got Subway after b/c I was so hungry! I know, right, they have a Subway in this Y where you look at the people eating while you sweat it up. haha!

this week I am no longer the secretary fill in at church, but am officially the music and worship intern. not sure what that will look like, or what I'll be doing, but hopefully Matt has some things in mind. ;) and I get to sing the next few weekends at church which I am looking forward to!

I have been reading Sex God recently, and have very much enjoyed it as I did Velvet Elvis. One particular chapter thus far has really had an impact on me: chapter 5. I wish I could copy and paste the entire chapter with commentary on here, but I will attempt to briefly summarize the words that rocked my world. I could literally type for pages I think, but I will get down to the point. This chapter is about the deepest ache known to the human soul: heartbreak. Whether it be from a loss, a breakup, divorce, tragedy, betrayal, confession.... any of the things that have ability to break our hearts. We risk this heartbreak whenever we are vulnerable enough with a person to give our hearts to them. The thing that really rocked my world was this: our God is well associated with this risk, and the pain of heartbreak. He risks it all each time a new life is created, because He gives us the freedom to choose to accept and return his love. So many turn away from Him. "In this process, God's heart is broken again and again and again. Divine heartbreak."

He goes on to talk about the lengths God went to to show us His love. He knew nothing else would communicate it more effectively than coming and becoming like us, being on our soil and on our level. "It was explained this way in a popular first century hymn, recorded in the book of Phillipians: "Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing." Thank you, Jesus.

"The story the Bible tells is of a living being who loves and who continues to love even when that love is not returned. A God who refuses to override our freedom, who respects our power to decide whether to reciprocate, a God who lets us make the next move." Wow. He knows our heartbreak, friends. "If you have ever given yourself to someone and had your heart broken, you know how God feels. If you have ever given yourself to someone and they responded, they reciprocated with a love of their own, you know how God feels. The cross is God's way of saying, 'I know what it's like.'" Everything in quotes is Rob speaking, and man, did this stuff reach right into my own healing heart. I never thought of it this way before.

The cross is God's way of telling us He's right there with us. Heartbreak is something that can connect us with our Savior, instead of us asking "where are you??" "It's the place we find out we're not alone, where we find strength to go on. Not a strength that comes from within ourselves but a strength that comes from God. The God who keeps going. Who keeps offering. Who keeps loving. Who keeps risking." !!!!!!!! Life changing. I have written in the book, "this changes everything!" the last thing that really got me was when Rob says this, " It's in this connection there's always a chance we'll find a reason to risk again. If God can continue to risk, then maybe we can too."

and that, my friends, totally changed my life. I wish I had picked up this book a few months ago and read it, but God must've had it in mind for me to wait awhile. Needless to say, I serve a God who is intimately acquainted with heartbreak, shares in our pain, has given literally everything to communicate his love, and watches as so many turn away and reject it. Yet He keeps loving, and offering, and keeps risking it all so that one more would reciprocate His love. and like Rob said, if God can continue that, then maybe I can too. For anyone who has had their heart shattered by anyone or any experience, our God is right there with you, with me. His strength and example will enable us to heal, and love again. I know I'm gonna look at the cross differently now.

"we love because He first loved us." 1 john 4:19