I'm not good at updating this so far

I should be studying for my last test of my formal education. I repeat: LAST. TEST. of. formal. education. !?!?! I will do so in a few minutes, but I just wanted to post quickly.

I have not been very emotional this week so far. I knew that this week had potential to be very emotional with it being the last week of college and everything, and it still may get that way as the week progresses. I am sad that I am leaving this great place called AU. I have loved it. It is my home, and I will forever miss the beautiful valley, the big Park Place steeple and all of the wonderful people I have met here. I'm gonna miss all my underclassmen friends too! Ya'll are great. It's so weird, this time of life. Not knowing what's next, facing adulthood officially and all that entails (eww). It's bittersweet. Loving what you have but kinda ready for the next thing. I know that in life we can't stay content in the places we are at forever. I mean, honestly, does anyone want to stay in college forever? (except Shawn Chadwell :) As much as everyone loves their college experience, no one wants to do it forever. We want to put our training and education into action. We want to make an imprint on the world, have families, use what God has given us. And we can't do that by getting stagnant and complacent. God is calling me into what He has for me next, and it's just life, and I need to follow along!

Anyways, things have been interesting lately. I have a lot of thoughts and stuff that are too personal to share on here, but ask if you are interested. I've had some great interviews, met some great people, seen some great churches. Now if freaking Integrity Music would let me know if I'm still being considered for the job or not... how hard is it to check your voicemail and respond?? I got to sing at Convergence for the last time this week. I have really really enjoyed doing that. That place is blessed with some amazing musicians, a great leader and a great kids. I am thankful for the opportunity to lead all of you in worship and I hope you have been blessed, and experience God through our times of worship.

I hate knowing what you need to do and not wanting to do it. Having feelings that you know are soo typical and annoying, but not being able to do anything to avoid them! Just the way it is. I will not make the same mistakes that I made last time. I will constantly work at keeping my mouth shut, and moving forward. I don't want to. I don't want to let go of this. One of the best experiences of my life. But it is clearer now than ever that I must pick up the pieces, sort them out and get on to the next thing. I have to do it. I have to. I also have to believe that I am special, and a precious creation of God, loved and adored by Him so completely. The other day, a dear friend and I had this conversation:
me: i am freaking special enough to be loved and cherished and worth someone's effort and time and money!
me: even loved from long distance!
me: and so are you! i refuse to give up on that
her: i totally agree with you. you are worth everything
me: God's got us covered, Abs
her: that's all we've got, but it's enough
me: even if no man ever loves us (which is SO unlikely), He has given us more than we ever could've deserved or asked for
me: it really is true.
her: it's true, and that's enough

it hurts, but that's the truth. check your Bibles, ladies. You've already got the most amazing Lover you could imagine. He has loved us with "an everlasting love."

i gotta study. more to come :)

>all I ever needed was You, just You< (point of grace :)